Openings – ‘Replicator’ story
November 24, 2008Here are the opening few paragraphs for a story I’ve been trying to finish for far two long. The working title has Replicator in it, because that’s the piece of forgotten technology at the base of the story. It’s sort of a future-history narrative. And yes, I’ve set myself a deadline to get that first draft complete.
——–
Most of the grogginess that follows resuscitation has passed, though the shivering and hunger pangs yet linger. Arkten, sensing your discomfort, provides a steaming bowl of gruel and adds more warmth to the moist pseudopods currently massaging your limbs and torso.
You attempt an uplink to Kellen, your longtime companion, your beloved, but Arkten intercedes. “I am sorry, but the Command Council has temporarily suspended comm-links,” says the familiar soothing voice. “Your situational briefing awaits, however.”
A glance at the clock tells you you’ve been awakened nearly four cycles before your next duty rotation. But this is not an emergency or some unscheduled preparedness drill; if it were you’d already be swimming in endorphins and adrenaline, subconsciously primed with relevant data and ready to act.
As you gather yourelf to begin what seems to be the long and arduous process of the standard situational briefings. Yet somehow, you feel less aware and at the same time more in tune with Kellen. Though you’ve been forbidden (for the moment) to communicate, there is a new (and exciting) connection that didn’t exist before. Something happened that you can’t quite pinpoint in that last sorti. Kellen said, or did something….what was it?
“I’m sorry sir,” Arkten says with a little more vigor, “you’ll need to pick up the pace a bit to stay on schedule.” The next thing you know YOU’RE KNEE DEEP IN TRIPE!!!!!!!!!!
What the heck is this….we’ve come to expect better from you Shark….I know it’s only a couple parpagraphs, but for crying outloud, it already reminds me of a cross between Totall Recall and Legend….
OK maybe a bit harsh, but honestly the first two paragraphs are about as original as Shredded Wheat….;^)
Ouchie!
Alls I’m sayin is you can do better, fo’ shizzle ma bizzle.