…directed by Grant Heslov, written by Peter Straughan (script) and Jon Runson (book), starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, & Kevin Spacey.  The Men Who Stare at Goats chronicles the efforts of a small-town reporter named Bob (McGregor) to uncover the story of the Army’s efforts at developing and using paranormal and psychic powers.  After an interview with a veteran of the Special Forces’ First Earth the Battalion and being cuckolded by his wife, Bob heads for Iraq to try his hand as a war correspondent.  There he runs into Lyn (Clooney), the Army’s former top psychic, who has his own mission in the desert.

We learn about the First Earth Battalion’s founder,   Lt. Colonel Bill Django (Bridges, reprising the Dude in some respects), who came back from Nam and conducted extensive research on all the New Age stuff you could hope for, and convinced his bosses at Fort Bragg to start the psychic/paranormal soldier program.  Django wants to train Jedi-knights – warrior monks of peace who can convince the enemy to move beyond conflict through reason and telepathic manipulation - and enlists Lyn and others in this pursuit.  They’re interested in remote viewing, precognition, phasing, and of course physical psychic manipulations (hence the goats).

The story proceeds in a series of flashbacks as Rob narrates what he’s learned from Lyn about the First Earthers, even as Rob and Lyn move into Iraq in pursuit of some secretive objective.  The movie is based on real events and true efforts by the U.S. Military to understand and utilize the paranormal, and it attempts to follow the actual reporting rather than embark on some zany over-the-top spiel.  That said, the characters are still fairly zany and over-the-top even as they seem realistic.  Bob narrates allusions to Frodo and young Luke Skywalker at the beginning of the story – themes that return throughout.  Clooney is great as the intense, and earnestly nutty Lyn, and you’ll never get a complaint from me with Bridges doing a hippie/New Age Green Beret.  Kevin Spacey rounds out the cast as a jealous would-be psychic soldier who represents the Dark Side of psy-ops.

The movie has plenty of incongruous scenes and scenarios that are all the more hilarious if you know anything about the military.  Much of the humor is subtle and ironic in tone, based on carefully setting up scenes and having the actors deliver well-timed lines like true pros.  Because of this, and because the filmmakers chose to stay close to the source material of Runson’s books (hence reality) rather than embarking on some totally unrealistic Hollywood-style comedy, some viewers haven’t known exactly what to make of Goats.  It’s definitely not Judd Apatow or National Lampoon style humor.  It’s probably not for everyone.

That said, we enjoyed this movie immensely and recommend Goats highly.  It has great performances, quirky paranormal humor, and a highly entertaining story laced with Star Wars references (with Ewan McGregor delivering quite a few tongue-in-cheek Jedi lines).  The movie in fact has one of the great final lines I’ve seen in recent years.  Even the standard anti-war movie overtones are delivered in an earnest rather than preachy style.  So check it out in theaters while you still can.

Like the majority of red-blooded hetero American males, I stayed the hell away from New Moon this weekend.  Of course that didn’t stop the wife from going, nor did it stop the film from bringing in a near-Batman-like box office haul.  It’s not that I won’t go watch the occasional romantic comedy or chick-flick now and again, no, what it comes down to is a lack of respect for and dumbing down of the whole monster mythos genre.

The clincher for me was the scene in Twilight in which the girl and vampire-boy Edward ascend from the overcast forested shadows into the sunlight.  And what happens?  His skin sparkles like diamonds.  It’s so beautiful, says the girl.  No burning death, weakness, not even a little smoke.  Nothing but sparkly.  And this, my friends, is an insult to true horror fans everywhere.  It’s not that we’re against reimagining the folklore and mythology around traditional creatures like vampires and werewolves; shows like Buffy, the Blade movies, and even the Underworld movies have done this in some respect.  But do try to understand and  respect that  mythology and folklore, so any changes you make have some resonance, instead of seeming like a poorly conceived plot device designed to make teenaged girls sigh. 

Vampires are scary because they’re undead predators who feed on us or seduce us so they can feed on us.  Werewolves are scary because they’re bestial creatures that represent loss of control and surrender to baser instincts.  Forget this at your peril, fellow storytellers.

So in review:  no New Moons around here.  We will gladly go in for the Old Moon, however, i.e. the Wolfman remake starring Hopkins, Del Toro, and Weaving… 

That’s what I’m talking about.

And as far as Three Wolf Moons - do you even need to ask?

MLS Cup kicks off in about two hours, featuring the back-from-the-dead L.A. Galaxy, last year’s dysfunctional laughing stock, vs. hot-at-the-right-time Real Salt Lake – they of the many merry midfielders.  The news from Seattle is the locals have embraced the championship with nearly as much vigor as they took to their Sounders this year, and 40,000 are expected despite the crap weather.  Good news for MLS.  Even better news if the Galaxy pulls it off – what a fitting final chapter to this whole Beckham Experiment thing.  But Salt Lake has only beat two of the supposedly best/most talented teams in Columbus and Chicago to get here, and anyone who’s watched them the past month knows they are fully capable of controlling play and scoring goals.

 Of course Beckham is carrying an injury (say this for the man – he knows drama) and could be fairly limited.  He’s likely one crunching Kyle Beckerman tackle from being out.  The real key to this match of course is league MVP Landon Donovan.  Salt Lake will be completely fixated on denying him the ball, but that might not be enough.  And maybe it opens the way for someone like Mike Magee or Alan Gordon to be the hero.  I’ve been predicting L.A. would win it all for months (just thought they’d be playing the Fire) so I won’t change my pick now.

In other  news, FIFA denied Ireland’s request for a reply against France after now-infamous Hand-of-Frog, featuring Thierry Henry (video after the bump).  Of course what else are FIFA going to do?  Admit that it’s time to employ instant-replay and other technology to prevent these kinds of mistakes?  Yeah, right.  It’s going to take something like this at the actual World Cup before they move forward.

The sad thing for the Irish:  they had two very solid chances to score that second goal in regulation and put the French down before this play.  Henry has apologized and stated a replay would be the fair route.  Of course he’s in damage-control mode, but to hold him personally responsible for a play 99 out of 100 other guys would attempt in his shoes is a little disingenuous.  Personally, I’ve been a big Henry fan for about 10 years now, and handball or not, I still hope he comes to MLS when his Barcelona contract is up as has long been rumored..

The World Cup field is set (though Ireland may yet have something to say about that), and the U.S. acquired another pair of losses in Europe over this latest international break.  After dominating Slovakia everywhere except the final third, it was 1-0 Slovaks.  And then, with an 80% second-tier squad, Team America proceeded to get spanked by Denmark 3-1.

I’ve often called for Coach Bob Bradley to trust his depth and play other guys beyond his chosen core group of 7-8 surefire starters, but performances like these illustrate that without guys like Donovan, Gooch, Dempsey, and yes Jermaine Jones, Team America looks very average.  The midfield was completely overrun versus the Danes, with Michael Bradley (who starts every game he’s eligible) attempting to run the show.  Not a good sign.  A couple of upward trends from these games included Jeff Cunningham’s workrate and finishing ability, Jonathan Bornstein’s continued play and Jon Spector showcasing his versatility.

So without further adieu, here’s The 23 – the players Beemsville would bring to South Africa if we were in charge:

Goalkeepers – 3:  Tim Howard (Everton, England), Brad Guzan (Aston Villa, England), and Marcus Hahnemann (Wolverhampton, England)

Defenders – 7: Oguchi Onyewu (AC Milan, Italy), Carlos Bocanegra (Rennes, France), Jay DeMerit (Watford, England), Steve Cherundolo (Hannover 96, Germany), Jonathan Spector (West Ham, England), Jonathan Bornstein (Chivas USA, MLS), Edgar Castillo (Pumas, Mexico)

Midfielders -9 : Landon Donovan (L.A. Galaxy, MLS), Clint Dempsey (Fulham, England) Michael Bradley (Borussia Moenchengladbach, Germany), Jose Francisco Torres (Pachuca, Mexico), Benny Feilhaber (Aarhus, Denmark),  Maurcie Edu (Glasgow Rangers, Scotland), Jermaine Jones (Schalke 04, Germany), Stuart Holden (Houston Dynamo, MLS), Robbie Rogers (Columbus Crew, MLS)

Forwards – 4: Jozy Altidore (Hull City, England),  Kenny Cooper (1860 Munich, Germany), Jeff Cunningham (FC Dallas, MLS), Brian Ching (Houston Dynamo, MLS)

The only changes from last month are Ching for Casey as the final forward (he works harder) and Hahnemann into the third goalkeeper spot, based on his recall.  I assumed he was done, but he looks fit and ready from the video clips.  I’m tempted to move Robbie Findley or Freddy Adu, or hell, Edson Buddle for that 4th forward in lieu of Ching or Cooper…  Man, will we miss Charlie Davies next summer.  I’m more convinced than ever that bringing crazy ol’ Jeff Cunninham along is a must.

I continue to omit Rico Clark in favor of Mo Edu, even though Clark was probably the best midfielder against the Danes.  Spector’s versatility makes it easier to bring along Castillo.  Taking into account injuries and form, here’s my starting lineup as of today:

Howard

Cherundolo          Spector              Bocanegera                   Bornstein

Holden                Bradley              JF Torres                        Donovan

Altidore                 Dempesey

Well into the fall TV season, and we’re recording/watching three Science Fiction-ish shows on the big networks:  Fringe, Flash Froward, and V.  The latter two being new shows (sort of), while the first is back for a second season.  Of course part of this is to fill the void left by the end of Battlestar Galactica, and part of it is curiosity about big media’s ability or desire to deliver attempts at genuine science fiction to the masses.

Fringe seems to me like a true successor to The X-Files; something a lot of shows have attempted but none have really pulled off.  It has the paranormal investigator overlay, the quirky and interesting characters, and a good blend of humor, gross-outs, and conspiracies.  The two leads (Anna Torv and Joshua Jackson) have good chemistry and John Noble as Dr. Walter Bishop (Jackson’s dad) is great.  The writers outright steal a lot of the successful themes and tropes from Chris Carter and the X-Files, and have probably studied that show’s successful seasons of plot development like PhD students.  So far this has entertained rather than annoyed me.

Flash Forward was recommended by some co-workers, so we started recording episodes but still haven’t caught up with the latest.  This show is based on venerable sci-fi author Robert J. Sawyer’s novel and revolves around a central planetary event: everyone on Earth blacks out for two minutes and seventeen seconds (lots of disasters there) and have vivid visions of their own personal futures of a date about six months out – hence the flashforwards.  This is not only grist for countless volumes of personal and relationship drama, but also for a good old fashioned mystery.  The FBI is on the case.  So far it’s been interesting, but I’m already starting to wonder if the writers can keep the plot moving forward with enough balance on the characters and relationships, or will it become a mess of decompressed Lost-like formula?  Joseph Fiennes (and his eyebrows) features, along with John Cho, Sonya Walger, and Dominic Monagahan (that’s a bard, a Sulu, and a hobbit if you’re counting).

V has just begun and has the most treacherous path of any of these shows.  As the new entry that’s most obviously trying to replicate the BSG-remake success model, and with the legacy of that first show in the minds of many, you can’t help but wonder where the writers will go.  For most people of my approximate age, the original V represents one of the scariest TV moments of my childhood.  I refer, of course, to the alien birth scene.  The original series also had a tough time sustaining much momentum after the original rush of paranoia.  Will this remake take any risks and strike out for new ground (like BSG) or will it stick to the old outline?  Most importantly, how long will they stretch out the visitors’ big secret, and what will happen when the lizard’s out of the bag, so to speak?

The Fighting Illini 09-10 Basketball season tips off tonight against SIU-Edwardsville.  Coach Weber has four freshman to incorporate, three of which have already proven they will play (and Joseph Bertrand might be in that mix too if not for a knee injury), and his top three returning scorers in McCamey, Davis, and Tisdale.  Illinois has three more talented players coming in next year, and Weber deserves a lot of credit for his recent recruiting success.

But if the football team has taught us anything, it’s to be wary of the local hype surrounding the Illini.  Don’t get carried away with lofty prognostications.  That said, we’re optimistic about this year’s hoops team.  They will be fun to watch with young athletic players and depth on the bench.  The days of low-scoring milk-the-shotclock-and-hope offense should be behind us, and we won’t see many more games in the 40s and 50s (let alone that nightmare Penn State game in the 30s).

Last year’s team overachieved its way to a 24-10 record behind the grit of Chester Frazier and the scoring of the now-junior class.  So what do we see for this year?  Five points in the pentagram…

• Who will stop the other guy? I’ve listened to the two exhibition games and the postgame chat with Coach has included the same lament: who’s going to guard?  Last year you could put Frazier on any non-post player and he would hold them down, frustrate them, and give the Illini a chance.  It was part of the gameplan.  This year, young DJ Richardson show signs of the stopper mentality, but you can’t expect him to be your lockdown guy.  Mike and Mike are both theoretically a year older, stronger, and wiser, so they should be better post defenders.  They’d better be…  Coach has toyed with the idea of a zone but has publicly stated he sees it as “giving in to the guys”, which doesn’t seem that helpful.  If you need to play zone to steal some minutes and protect your best players, figure out a way to do that.  And a little full-court pressure would add a wrinkle and take advantage of the depth.  But thinking about matching up with Evan Turner, Robbie Hummel, and Kalin Lucas – not fun…
• Will we have a star this year? Weber’s teams have traditionally featured balanced scoring with about four guys averaging in low double-figures.  It’s a hallmark of his motion offense.  Will someone emerge this year as a primary threat?  The most likely candidates are Mike Davis and Demetri McCamey.  Davis could average 16-20 with a concerted effort to get him the ball and if he can grab a few more put-backs.  Judging from the exhibition games though, you wonder how the competition among the guards will affect his field goal attempts.  McCamey has the skills and talent to lead this team and dominate games – we’ve seen this since he was a freshman.  It might be best for the team if he averaged 15 a game but was the designated guy for tough shots and possessions.  From all the preseason news, it sounds like D-Mac has matured greatly and is ready to be that leader.
• Rotation expansion – Since the Final Four team, Coach has been reluctant to play more than seven guys in his rotation.  We criticized him on this last year (it’s one reason why the team always seems so worn down in late February), and we will really stick him on it this year if it happens.  Depth should be a strength of this team, and nine or ten guys should expect to play.  If the Illini go up-tempo, press, and play to offensive strengths, an expanded rotation is a must.  Who fills out that rotation might change and vary until January.
• Variation on offense – Another trend in recent years has been the stagnation of the vaunted motion offense late in the year.  I’ve complained about this often.  By the second pass in the Big 10, everyone knows where we like to pick and cut, and they shut us down.  The only time this hasn’t happened was when you had a true maestro in Deron Williams running the show.  So how does Weber rectify this?  Running some set plays, teaching the offense differently, changing his approach?  I’m really hoping we’ll see some signs of this.  You get really tired of hearing him lament, ‘they have to go cut and go screen someone’, as if his hands are tired.  Change your strategy, Coach, and don’t make excuses for the freshman.  You finally have guys who can dribble-drive and almost everyone can hit open jumpers.  If the offense bogs down late this year, it’s on the coaches.
• How to spell success? Last year’s Illini exceeded expectations in the win column, but pretty much did as expected in March (they lost four of their last five).  Coach did a great job getting 24 wins and finishing in the upper half of the conference.  This year the Big 10 is the toughest deepest conference in the nation – it’s as good as it’s been in a decade.  To finish in the upper half, maybe with a shot at the title in the last two weeks should be the goal.  To do that, you’ll need to hold service at home and steal a few road games.  Your conference champion could very well have as many as five or six losses.  So if the team avoids major injuries and other meltdowns, they should be shooting for a chance to win the Big 10 tournament and make the Sweet 16.  We also want to extend the streak over Mizzou, avoid any non-conference losses in Champaign, and show well against Gonzaga in Chicago.  Whatever happens, it should be fun to see some new variations on the themes of the past few years, and with more talent on the floor and more on the way next year, we’re really looking forward to it.

A beautiful fall weekend, the likes of which we rarely see in November, meant a lot of time outside for the kids and a lot of leaves being bagged by the grown-ups.  There was also time for football, soccer, partying, and even some basketball.  But mostly it was the leaves.  With three big old trees in the yard, you just take it in stride…

53 Bags

Illinois’ offense looked competent and borderline good for the second straight week, scoring 35 points against the Gophers.  We’ve said all along the O&B would need 30+ points a game to win; too bad they waited until the season was halfway over to wake up.  Of course the competition has been less stringent after that brutal September, but how much do we attribute to more manageable foes, how much to the Offensive Coordinator finally getting it together, and how much to having a quarterback who can actually pick up blitzers and hit open receivers?  And we note that Minnesota made adjustments at halftime (and the Zooker did not) and nearly caught up after that terrible blocked punt, but Charest hit McGee on a crucial third down and Illinois got that final touchdown.  To their credit, the Illini never gave up on the season and still have the Illinois rivarly with Northwestern and a winnable home game against Fresno State.  Win those two and we’ll forgive some of the earlier crap…

The Chicago Fire booked their place in the Eastern Conference Final by scoring two Saturday night against an overmatched New England team.  They needed two to win and got both, the second coming courtesy of a heads-up play by Patrick Nyarko and a cool veteran finish by the ageless Blanco.  Watching on TV, I wished I would’ve been there.  It looked like an awesome atmosphere at Toyota Park, with all the banners, songs, flares, etc.  Now the Fire will face a surprising Real Salt Lake team in Chicago, a game they should be able to handle.  We’d like to go, but with all the recent travel watching at home is probably the wise choice.  The Fire will face the winnter of Houston and L.A. from the West with a win this weekend.  We’ve been saying an L.A.-Chicago MLS Cup Final – no reason to change the tune now.

Of course we were in Findlay Saturday night for the annual after-Halloween costume party at the Legion, which is why we couldn’t head for Chi-town.  Probably 75-85 folks there, with the vast majority decked out in a respectable array of costumes.  Good turnout, good fun, and worth the trip to the old homestead.  We noted several Roaring 20’s Flapper-girls, and a handful of 80’s themed outfits.  A crew dressed as the Simpons won the contest, and as usual, the scavenger hunt was rigged.  This was it for the mermaid-and-shark costume combo (sadly, especially for the mermaid portion), but the wife is already plotting for next year’s fun…

Sunday included recovery, a lot more leaves, and Illini pre-season hoops.  While finishing up the leaf-bagging for the front yard, we listened to Illinois v. Quincy University.  While we’re heartened by DJ Richardson’s 23 points and fellow freshman Brandon Paul’s early bounce and finishing, it’s somewhat of concern that the two Mikes combined for only eight field goal attempts and eleven rebounds.  Still, shot selection and ball management can be taught (especially by Coach Weber) but explosivness and off-the-dribble skills not so much.  We’ll go out on a limb and say that these Illini will not be held to less than 50 points like last year’s version on multiple nights, but with a tougher non-conference schedule and a a powerful-looking Big 10,  they may not get as many wins either.

We finished reading Tolkien’s The Hobbit this week – the first full-length book I’ve read to the kids.  It was a the obvious choice, as this was also the first book my Mom read to me.  It’s been a while since I’ve read that book and several things stand out after so many years.  Tolkien wrote in  long, descriptive, balanced sentences.  Very nice to read aloud.  The sense of place and history, the sheer amount of description is palpable in The Hobbit.  Of course this has become one of the prevailing themes of fantasy fiction, so no surprise there.  Finally, Bilbo is just a great character.  And now onto the girls’ thoughts as recorded be me with a few questions here and there…

One favorite part is when Bilbo went to talk to Smaug.  He saw the weak spot by getting Smaug to roll over by telling riddles.  Bilbo was pretty brave there.  I was afraid Bilbo might be found by Smaug, and he’d attack him and eat him.  I thought this was the scariest part.  Instead he just got a little burnt.

One favorite part is when Bilbo gets the Ring from Gollum.  He made Gollum yell and hiss by not telling him what’s in his pocket when they were telling riddles. He escaped by putting on the Ring and running down the hall and jumping over Gollum. I thought he’d be safe after that but the goblins and wargs came right after them.

Another favorite part is the Battle of Five Armies.  I liked when Thorin came out of the mountain to help the other dwarves get the goblins.  I was also glad when Beorn showed up to help and the eagles came down to save them.

I thought it was funny when Bilbo finally gets home and his cousins are trying to take all his stuff.  They thought he was dead he’d been gone so long.  I don’t know why cousins would do that.

It was pretty scary when the trolls were about to roast Bilbo and the dwarves.  Gandalf made their voices and tricked them to stay up until morning and the trolls turned to stone.

At the beginning, Bilbo was curious and nervous.  Later he we scared, but he tried to brave.  He got out of those bad places with the spiders and the elves by being sneaky and brave.  Bilbo was one of my favorite characters because he was brave when his friends needed him even though he’s very little.  Also, he found Smaug’s weak spot.

I liked Thorin because he was the leader and King Under the Mountain.  I liked Gandalf because he always knew what to do.  Also, he tricked the trolls and he told Bilbo, “Well done” when he gave the Arkenstone to Bard and the elves.

The boy had less to say and had a tough time paying attention the entire time.  Nonetheless, he too listened and remembers and so he adds these comments:

My  favorite part was when Bard the Bowman shot Smaug in his weak spot.  The scariest part was when Smaug blew his fire.  My favorite characters were Bilbo and Thorin Oakenshield. 

Somehow, Beemsville ally Grubb neglected to properly promote his participation in the annual Robert Goulet Moustached American of the Year Awards Ceremony that took place in St. Louis over the weekend.  Nominees included Attorney General Eric Holder, Sully Sullenberger (a decent pilot), some baseball pitchers, and University of Illinois alum and CBS Sunday Morning humorist Bill Geist.

Geist filed a report in his trademark hardhitting style here.  Watch the clip and marvel at Grubb sporting the Hacksaw Jim Dugan-style stache on CBS.

In Beemsville, the power of the moustache has always been tempered by the preference of the missuz.  She’s not a fan of bristly kisses.  It probably doesn’t help that any attempts at facial hair by me end up looking more like a high school kid than Thomas Magnum.

At any rate, we’re glad the moustache is making a comeback and that Grubb has his support group down there, even if he can’t find the time to blog about so momentus an ocassion as ‘Stache Bash 2009.

It was one of those days, as a co-worker of mine would say, with the fun-meter pegged.  Start with the last soccer game of the year for the Sidekicks, which comes as something of a relief with the weather turning worse and several of my players losing interest.  The two little Beems had fun though, and that’s what matters.

Then we were off to Champaign for our only family football game against Michigan.  And what do you know – the Zooker’s boys showed up to play.  A great hustle play by Terry Hawthorne led to an old-style four-down goal-line stand, after which the Illini went on to dominate the third quarter and pull away from the Wolverines.  We could scarcely believe it.  The Orange and Blue looked like the team we thought they could be, at least for one day.

Had to miss the 4th Quarter (which was painful) to get the kiddos back to their Uncle’s house in time for Trick-or-Treating.  We let the kids choose their outfits this year, and in a decision that warmed my heart they both decided to be super-heroes.  After that, the Missuz and me donned our costumes and hung with my sis and pals in downtown C-U.  Dubstep on the prairie - who knew?  This year our ensemble was Mermaid-and-Shark, the beats were massive, and the beer was plenty cold.  The best costume seen at Cowboy Monkey, and the winner of their impromptu contest:  some dude dressed as the Monarch of Venture Brothers fame.

Check out the brief photo-album (follow link and click on ’slideshow’), and drop us a line with your own Halloween news and stories.