It’s just too easy. Take a look at the quote sheet.
Blago on Monday: “I don’t care whether you tape me publicly or privately… I really feel like the sun is shining brightly on me.”
Blago on Tuesday morning*: “F%^#. What are you f%^#ing guys doing here? What? Put on my Blue track suit and go to Federal Court? Are you f%^#ing crazy? F%^# it. Well, at least let me fix my hair first…”
We don’t even really have to try, it’s so easy. Watching Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert today, they didn’t try that hard either. They just sort of played the tape and took the obvious shots, (though Stewart’s joke about Beaver-pelt smuggling being included with the next round of allegations was golden). Presumably, SNL, with several days to work up something special, will not disappoint. For now, bask in the warm glow of Rowdy Rod’s ride to justice…
Here in Beemsville, we’ve been assuming for months that it was only a matter of time. Patrick Fitzgerald doesn’t show up in your neighborhood just to hang out. And due to the allegations, the Governor’s basically avoided public appearances for six months now, never mind any attempts at effective governing… Our chief remaining question: why did you do it, Rod? Why did you turn loose that mountain lion in rural downstate Illinois? We know you don’t like us, and the feeling is more than mutual…
We’re still a little too outraged about it for exceptional comedic hijinks. Most of us Illinoisons have sort of assumed that State government – particularly Chicago area government – has been and continues to be woefully corrupt and inefficient. But to have it trotted out in such a blatant fashion, paraded across the national f%^#ing landscape… Well, I suppose laughter is the best medicine, so here’s another hair-shot, followed by the man’s own words.
Blago weeks ago, regarding the Senate appointment: “I’ve got this thing, and it’s F%^#ing golden. And I’m just not giving it up for F%^#ing nothing.”
July 2008: “I’m not worried about anything. What I’m a little concerned about is the lack of integrity and the sensationalism of some of the reporters…”
September 2006 (news of an investigation breaks): “It’s absurd, ludicrous, ridiculous, outlandish, OK? Accusations by scoundrels, OK?”
Blago last month, when the Obama camp won’t play ball: “…don’t give this motherf@#*er his senator. F@#* him. For nothing? F@#* him.”
February 2006 (re-election bid under way): “We do everything right.”
June 2006: “We won’t tolerate wrongdoing and that we will work to ferret out wrongdoing…”
Blago last month (after being advised he need to avoid looking too greedy): “I want to make money.”
Bonus quote from Mrs. Blago (in response to the Tribune’s editorial calls for impeachment, and with public funding regarding the Cubs): “Hold up that f@#&ing Cubs sh!#. … F@#* them.”
-For the record, Beemsville pretty much agrees with this sentiment regarding any public funding earmarked for the Chicago Cubs (or any sports franchise, especially when we’re closing state parks and historical sites left and right).
Blago at his inauguration: “We will meet our challenges head on and we will do it by rejecting the politics of mediocrity and corruption. You voted for change; I intend to deliver it. … I will govern as a reformer.”
You can rest assured that we haven’t heard the last of Blago. We predict he will limp on in the face of his utter disgrace, refusing to retire from power and public life to await his fate until every last joke had been exhausted. Even now, scribes everywhere are warming their new verb, Blagojeviched as in to stupidly and persistently press on with your bribery scheming in the face of obvious scrutiny…
At least there will be ample humor to accompany our depressing state deficit and completely dysfunctional bureaucratic system.
* probable response to the fuzz showing up at his house, 6:00 am.