Like the majority of red-blooded hetero American males, I stayed the hell away from New Moon this weekend. Of course that didn’t stop the wife from going, nor did it stop the film from bringing in a near-Batman-like box office haul. It’s not that I won’t go watch the occasional romantic comedy or chick-flick now and again, no, what it comes down to is a lack of respect for and dumbing down of the whole monster mythos genre.
The clincher for me was the scene in Twilight in which the girl and vampire-boy Edward ascend from the overcast forested shadows into the sunlight. And what happens? His skin sparkles like diamonds. It’s so beautiful, says the girl. No burning death, weakness, not even a little smoke. Nothing but sparkly. And this, my friends, is an insult to true horror fans everywhere. It’s not that we’re against reimagining the folklore and mythology around traditional creatures like vampires and werewolves; shows like Buffy, the Blade movies, and even the Underworld movies have done this in some respect. But do try to understand and respect that mythology and folklore, so any changes you make have some resonance, instead of seeming like a poorly conceived plot device designed to make teenaged girls sigh.
Vampires are scary because they’re undead predators who feed on us or seduce us so they can feed on us. Werewolves are scary because they’re bestial creatures that represent loss of control and surrender to baser instincts. Forget this at your peril, fellow storytellers.
So in review: no New Moons around here. We will gladly go in for the Old Moon, however, i.e. the Wolfman remake starring Hopkins, Del Toro, and Weaving…
That’s what I’m talking about.
And as far as Three Wolf Moons – do you even need to ask?